so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
