so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
