what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
