i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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