i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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