He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
