His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
