"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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