just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
