Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
