fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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