Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
barbara walters just said penis...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I die, sorry about rent.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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