Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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