Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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