My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
