i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
