Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
NoShamevember. You game?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
