so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
