You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
