i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
