Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
