I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
