I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
