now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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