i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
