You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
