Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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