I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
