if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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