I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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