There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
