If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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