And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
