i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
