Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
