What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Randomize
