Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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