I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
