mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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