They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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