Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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