Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize