He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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