I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
