Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
