I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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