Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
