Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
