What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
