you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize