I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
