Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
