Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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