I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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