Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
