I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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