Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
