We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
