My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
