So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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