i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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