she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
