in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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