so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
