no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
