Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
