i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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