You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
